(Originally posted Saturday, February 19, 2011)
Congo Connection – Video
I am wondering if my heart is becoming faint. This adopting has taken so much out of me. We have prepared two rooms in our house that will never be filled with the occupants they were intended for. My husband is working like crazy trying to pay off the adoption loans so I can quit my job. Friends and family are wanting to spend time with him or talk to him about their needs. To be honest I am feeling a little territorial. How can we be there to fix others problems and to fill others needs when we can not fix or fill our own. I know that what is required will be provided. I no longer know whats required of me. I know that money is required. Money we don’t have. Everything feels like money money money. Money would have saved Wren. Money could fly me to the Congo to make sure my son is safe and healthy. Money could keep my son safe and healthy. I hate that money drives the world. I hate that my hands are tied and all I can do is sit and wait. I wish that I had someone to talk to who had been here. I wish my family understood adoption and I could feel their strength around me. I wish I felt called to walk a smoother course. I wish I had peace.